How to Manage Stress, Talk About COVID During the Holidays

By Sarah Marshall

The holidays can be a stressful time to begin with, but adding COVID to the mix can amplify that stress. Not only are friends and families deciding whether to plan get-togethers this year, they’re also weighing the risk of spreading the virus while navigating discussions with others who might not be on the same page about how to handle safety protocols.

“The pandemic adds a layer of challenges to those we already face during the holidays,” explains U.S. Public Health Service Capt. (Dr.) Joshua Morganstein, deputy director of USU’s Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress (CSTS). 

Whether you’re more concerned about the spread of the virus, or tackling tough conversations with an unvaccinated relative, it’s always a good idea to plan in advance, says Morganstein. Planning can help determine the best way to keep gatherings both safe and enjoyable, whether that means testing ahead of time, wearing masks, or making sure loved ones are vaccinated before the event, if they are eligible.

Making a plan can also help prepare for those difficult conversations with loved ones – like how to break it to someone that you won’t be attending their gathering. Morganstein suggests writing out what you want to say beforehand, as it can be easy to forget those thoughts when emotions are running high – but without spending too much time on it. He also recommends cushioning the tough news between positive sentiments, which can help lessen the negative emotional impact. If you’re canceling plans to see family, for instance, start by saying how much you miss them, and finish by reaffirming that you love them.

Facing a challenging holiday season with their Soldiers
deployed, families back home are doing their best to feel
the festive spirit. (Courtesy photo by Capt. Travis Mueller
DVIDS)

Many people also have a relative they have conflict with, and the pandemic might add to that conflict or create another area where emotions can run high for both people, he adds. By planning what to say in advance, this can often lower some of the stress.

Morganstein says that a lot of the time people feel the need to explain themselves and their decisions, when really there is no need to do so.

“That can add to our own burden in some ways,” he says. “Consider your own limitations. It’s okay to feel how you feel about it. You don’t have to explain it to other people … and it’s okay to say, ‘This doesn’t work for me.’”

Right now there can be pretty stark contrasts to how people are approaching the pandemic within groups of family members and friends – and sometimes people think that means there is something wrong with how they feel about it, if their views are different.

“We need to remind ourselves that it’s okay to have whatever experience we’re having,” he says. “It’s normal to feel concerned about your health and safety and the health and safety of your family. It’s enough to feel concerned about that, let alone feeling like you’re wrong for having those feelings.”

For some who feel strongly about their views on the matter, it can be easy to get caught up in wanting others to hear those views.

“We often mistake someone hearing us for someone changing their behavior,” Morganstein explains.

While it can be validating to get our point of view across, it might not be worth it, if it means looking back and realizing that didn’t make for a good family experience. It’s usually better to be present and not engage in conflict, than to be right, he explains.

It might also feel like almost everything touches on the pandemic these days, and so it might be hard to avoid these conversations where views might clash at a holiday gathering. Morganstein suggests finding neutral topics to talk about or other deliberate efforts to take a break from talking about stresses of the pandemic. Make it a game to see who can talk about something that has the least to do with the pandemic – where does everyone want to travel when we are all comfortable with traveling again? What are we most grateful for this holiday season? It’s certainly okay to acknowledge the difficulties and what has been lost, but taking time to intentionally focus on gratitude can lower stress and help people feel connected.

He says it’s also important to remember that not everything is going to be perfect this time of year, and that’s okay. Decorations will break and the turkey might have been cooked upside down -- and perhaps these mishaps will feel even more exacerbated during COVID -- but give yourself a break, Morganstein says.  

“We can’t fix everything for everybody,” he says. “We can’t make perfect decisions.”

Morganstein recommends outlining your priorities. That could be making self-care a priority, being present with family, and not engaging in conflict. This goes back to the pre-planning, he says. By identifying what’s most important to you ahead of time, this can help make some decisions easier, if and when difficult scenarios arise, and in turn help manage stress this time of year.

These tips, along with many others for this stressful time of year, can be found in a newly-released fact sheet developed by CSTS. Since it was established almost 35 years ago, the Center has been developing fact sheets for providers, responders, leaders, and the general public on a variety of topics to mitigate the impact of trauma from all sorts of disasters and public health threats. This multidisciplinary effort provides the most relevant and sought-out information in times of crisis. These fact sheets, including the latest on managing holiday stress, can be found on the Center’s website. Additional COVID resources, supporting health and overall wellbeing, can also be found here.